Terrence! Answer Your Celluar Phone!

How the hell do you delete these things? That was not me last night. Someone must have broken into my account again. I must have left my blog on and Hank wrote on it playing a prank on me. I don't ever get that drunk so I'm pretty sure he put some vicadin in my beer or something. And I'm not sure why my shirt is ripped down the middle but this is my favorite Big Johnson t-shirt and I am fucking pissed off. My head feels like someone bashed it in with a hammer and this place smells like someone farted in the bathtub. I wish it wasn't so goddamn hot and bright outside I would get out of here but It's too fucking annoying. GOD I HATE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW!!! TERRENCE GET THE FUCK OVER HERE AND SHOW ME HOW TO DELETE THAT STUPID POST BECAUSE I DIDN'T TYPE THAT!!! I FUCKING HATE YOU WANDA!!

OJKB BI'M SOOO DRNKNK!!!!!@# ANND DDONT LKN OOW WGHAT HNANK PUT IMN THHIOS VCUZ I''M' NEVER GETT THHIS DRULJK1!! IKTS SOOO MEARLY UI CAMNT FEEEL MYY FACES!!! I MISZS YH9OU SOME MUCCH WANSSDA. WHY CNALNT YUOU COM,E HPO,ME???! I''M' CONNA CAAL YOIU AND YHOU BETETE RANSWER AJNID THAT BETTER NOKT B E CREAIG AN SWWEERINGT. I MISISS YOU SOOO MIUCH. IIMIS S THE HWAAY YHOUJR TITTTEW S FELE. CCOME HOME ANXD WE CALN WATCH HIGHNO;ANDER. I DONKT HAVE IKT BUTJ YHOU C AN BRINNNT IKT. IHA VE TO GOO CUUZ HAN AK IS CALING MEE. SUCUK MMY DCIK.

Pussy Ass Fake Cop Bitch!

Has anyone else met this pussy ass patrol man that hangs around the Rite-Aid on Main St.? I nearly beat the shit out of this guy earlier today. He thinks he's so tough but he ain't even got a real gun it's just pepper spray and a billy club. I could stick that billy club right up his asshole AND HE'LL PROBABLY LIKE IT!!!! For the past few weeks I've been stealing the newspapers from that rich people nieghborhood near Planter's Row and then selling them outside the Rite-Aid for 10 cents cheaper. I don't make very much but I can at least get a number 2 from McDonald's and a few 40s of Bud Heavy. Anyway I was selling my newspapers this morning and this guy comes up and says I have to leave the property and I'm like WHAT FOR? and he was like "you're on private property." and I was like SO ARE YOU!!! WHERE'S YOUR INVITATION!!! Anyway I knew I should probably just get out of there because of my priers, but I really wanted to teach that guy a lesson. He thinks he's so much better than me but he ain't. ALL YOU PUSSY'S WITH A BADGE THINK YOUR BETTER THAN ME BUT YOU AIN'T!!!! And than ofcourse I ran into my cousin Ethel and she was all giving me the 5th degree about what had happened and I had to be like SHUT THE FUCK UP ETHEL AND MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!!! ain't nobody wants to hear about her and her stupid daughter and how she got accepted to that art school. We all know the only reasons why she got into that school! Being an art girl is just code name for being a SLUT! I hate that girl. She was always telling people I was perverted and tried to hit on her but that ain't even true. I remember that party and I didn't even say anything to her about her bathing suit. I was just trying to tell her that the other guys might get the wrong idea if she kept flaunting around with them huge ass melons she's got. So I started training pretty hard this weekend and my chest is sore from doing so many bench presses. So I'm gonna soak in the hot bath for a while. I got Rust In Peace on repeat and it's blaring! GOING TO WAR!! GIVE HIM HELL!!!

Shit Everywhere.

Does anybody read these blogs? I need to find a plumber because my toilet is fucked up again and I saw Terrence this weekend and he said I could ask on here. My toilet has been fucked up for a while and when I flushed those cheeseburgers a while back it really fucked shit up even worse I think. I thought it was doing okay but I had to flush some macaroni and cheese last night because my disposal still isn't working and it started backing up and I didn't get to it in time so there was old turds coming out all over the floor by the time I got in there. I cleaned most of it up, but it still reeks something awful in there. Anyway I would normally ask my buddy Larry to help out with this because he went to a vocational school for plumbing for a bit, but he's serving 2 years for extortion in Blackburn Correctional. Plus we had got to not talking so much after I banged his girlfriend at the time because I was pissed off that Wanda had been fooling around with that dicklicker Craig. JUST ANOTHER THING IN MY LIFE THAT WANDA HAS FUCKED UP!! YOU DESRVE FOR ME TO PUT YOUR FACE IN THIS SHIT THAT IS ALL OVER MY BATHROOM FLOOR LIKE THAT DOG THAT YOU ARE!! AND EVERYONE KNOWS A FEMALE DOG IS A BIIIIITTTCCCHHH!!! Also if anybody knows anything about baseball cards I've got a Ryne Sandburg card that I might be interested in selling if the price is right.

Forgot About This Shit.

I almost forgot about this blog. I was banging this chick Patti that hangs out at South Limestone Tavern for a while last month and I didn't want her to think I was a nerd fucking around on the online so much so I took a break from writing in the blog. I'm not fucking her anymore though. We started fighting all the time because she kept telling me to clean up around here and I was like screw you bitch don't tell me how to live. We couldn't even ever go to her place because she lives with her brother and he's in a wheelchair or he's some kind of retard or something. Anyway I kicked her to the curb and then I guess I just forgot about writing in here but I'm sure you all missed me. HAHA. I should clean this place though because it's starting to smell pretty bad. The other day I farted and it smelled like fucking sulfer. So I got all my legal bullshit takin care of. I didn't have to spend any more time in jail but I had to pay a bunch of fines which sucks because I'm broke and I had to borrow money from my stepfather who is a piece of shit fag. He was all like WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET A JOB!! and I was like WHEN SOMEBODY GIVES ME ONE STUPID!! It ain't like I'm not trying. I've been asking around to people at South Limestone but nobody has been any fucking help. I wish I could just get paid for watching porn and telling people what I thought about the movies because I read on the online that they have jobs like that. I just don't know who to talk to about it. But I could be really good at that and I could even be in a porno movie because I have a really big dick and I think I jizz more than a normal person. I think I'm going to make eggs for dinner. I made this awesome tray that I put across my bathtub so I can eat when I'm in the bath. Sometimes I can just float the bowl in the water but that only works sometimes when I'm eating cereal. And I checked out that MYSPACE website but I couldn't figure out how to work it. Does anyone know how to get to the pictures of the nude chicks on there?

Feel Bad About Being A Dick To Frank

I haven't felt like talking to anybody all week. I wanted to punch everyone I know in the nuts. I feel better now I guess but there are still a few people I wouldn't mind punching in their nutsack until it ripped open and their nuts fell out. I feel a little bad about how I treated Frank yesterday though. Frank is my mail man and usually when he comes around at 3pm everyday we talk about what's going on and NASCAR and shit, but yesterday he was trying to talk to me about some bullshit with his mom and I was like shut the fuck up and give me my Penthouse and get the fuck out of here. I don't know she's got Altshymers Disease or something. I'm so broke and all I want to do is go out and get ripped! I hope Conan The Destroyer is on TV this weekend.

Some Things I'm Thinking.

I've been thinking about a couple things:
1.) If your underwear covers your balls and dick so they don't get dirty, then why do you have to change your underwear everyday because it shouldn't be getting dirty right?
2.) If cheese makes me constipated and apple juice gives me diarrea than if I eat them both at the same time than I should be fine right?
3.) What is pepperoni made of?
4.) Why does my jizz smell like clorine?
5.) Does a woman's pussy shrink back down after she has a kid? I've never fucked a woman who has kids. Actually I have but I'm not sure if it was just her pussy or if there all like that.
6.) If Coke can clean a penny than I should be able to clean other stuff around my house with it as long as I rinse it off with water after right?