Need Carpentry Work. Rent Sucks.

I hate paying rent. I wish my parents would just die already and leave me this house in their will so I could stop paying them rent. He ain't even my real dad. Anyway, I'm gonna have to find a way to budget for the next two weeks after I pay rent and legal fees and what not. There just isn't work out there for a carpenter anymore. Ain't nobody building houses. I can build other things though!!! But whatever. As long as I have enough to buy two 24 packs of Bud Heavy I'll be fine and I should get some more singles so I can make grilled cheeses. Grilled cheese is the best fucking dinner when money is tight and if a girl comes over I can make a triple decker and put a tooth pick through it so it looks romantic. I still need to call that girl that I was supposed to go out with the night I got arrested. She probably forgot that she gave me her number because she never answered my calls because she didn't recognize the number. This time I WILL NOT get drunk first. God I can't wait til see them titties. Anyway, jail totally fucked up my training schedule so I better hit the work out bench. If anybody out there knows about any carpentry jobs let me know. I work hard and I never drink too much on the job.

FUCK GOOD FRIDAY!!!

There ain't wasn't nothing good about Good Friday. For those of you that don't already know I had a few drinks on Good Friday and supposedly was riding a bycicle naked around Codell Lake but that ain't even true because I don't own a bycicle. Anyway, they locked my ass up for two weeks, no questions asked because I had an outstanding warrant for petty larceny and so I had to spend Easter in jail and didn't get to have dinner with none of my family or friends. I was so glad to be out of jail this weekend, I went straight to Arby's and got one of them Roast Burgers because I had found a coupon for a free Roast Burger when you purchase a drink. I was thinking about it though, and except for the fact that they ain't got no porn there and you gotta share a toilet jail ain't so bad. You get all your meals for free which is pretty cool even though they taste like Wanda's pussy. FUCK YOU, WANDA!!! It was your fault I had that petty larceny charge against me in the first place! I didn't steal that VCR! Anyway, they also let you watch TV in jail so I got to watch re-runs of Judge Mills Lane on TNN or whatever they call it now. Also they had this one sexy lady guard who was always giving me the eye and I know if I had been in there just a few days longer I probably could have gotten her to have sex with me in the cafeteria kitchen. Well I better take a bath while this macaroni and cheese is boiling. Good to be back to my fans. Does anybody know what My Space is? I heard a few guys on the inside talking about it. It sounded like a pretty kick ass website for looking at naked chicks.

Good Friday

Today is definitely a Good Friday. I went to church earlier and I've got a hot date tonight with the most beautiful chick in the world. So here's the story. I met her at the grocery store the other day. I was buying some Draino because those cheeseburgers ended up getting stuck in the toilet and I've had a major overflow problem for the past week. So anyway I see this chick buying soda and I go up to her and I'm like hey you know Diet RC tastes just like Diet Coke and it's half the price and she says she doesn't believe or no thanks or whatever. So get this. I say oh yeah why don't you come back to my place and I'll prove it to you. She said yes and she gave me her number and so I'm gonna call her tonight and invite her over. Normally I would have Highlander for her to watch BUT WE ALL KNOW THAT I DON'T HAVE IT ANYMORE! Goddamnit that makes me so pissed the fuck off. The sex scene at the end is perfect for setting the mood and then with the sword battle at the end, I mean forget about it. She'd be so wet. Whatever, I obviously don't need Highlander to make a chick want to get nasty with me. She obviously wants to anyway. I probably shouldn't say Goddamnit what with today being Good Friday and all. Anyway, I'm lucky that I still have some condoms left over from that time Hank and I were planning a trip to the Playboy Mansion. Let me explain to you how fucking hot this chick is. She's got long curly blonde hair with sexy two tone roots. She's got big fucking titties, the kind that make you chub up just looking at them because you can imagine how they feel. She's got legs that go all the way up and she wears bright red lipstick and I love that. I'm pretty sure she's a model or something. Probably going to just order in from KFC and then maybe take her over to Strike Zone Lanes are show her what an good fucking bowler I am. I learned that a long time ago that you should take a chick someone where you can impress her on the first date. Let's just say I've never had any trouble sealing the deal and getting laid. Well, I should probably go do some training for a bit and then do the standard before date routine. Shit, shower and shave.

so ticked.

the fucking phone company shut off my phone last week so I haven't been able to get on the online since last week. fucking greedy bastards. I'm so pissed right now I can't even write a blog to you about it. I've been working out really hard though and you can already notice how much bigger I'm getting. I have a date on Friday, but I don't want to talk about it right now. I'll tell all about it tommorow. She is so super banging hot! GRILLED CHEESE TIME MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

MASTER! MASTER!

Feeding alka selzer to raccoons is not a good way to get them to explode because I can't even get them to eat it. I thought of a better plan today though so I'm going to get some cheeseburgers and tie them to the porch and then hide with a shovel, but I'm going to try and bash the coons before they get to the cheeseburgers so I can still eat them. I'm listening to Master of Puppets right now and remembering why it is the GREATEST FUCKING ALBUM EVER MADE!!!!! HETFIELD IS GOD!!!